This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
