Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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