My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
