Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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