just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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