well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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