I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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