He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
