I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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