dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
