Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize