"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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