Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
