I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
