Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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