I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
