i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
