his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
