did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
