I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
