Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
