My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
