I love black thongs
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
