you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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