she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
