This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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