She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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