If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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