I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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