i wish my penis had a tongue
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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