Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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