After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Mom said you looked used
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
