they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
