i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
