There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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