i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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