If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
