She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
