:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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