What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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