i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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