If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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