There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
