Your face is a jimmy john
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
