I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize