so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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