I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
