I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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