we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
