Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
