At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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