After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
