well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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