i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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