new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
