wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
