Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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