I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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