we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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