oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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