I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
